I’ve decided to use Plenty of Fish as my first real jaunt into on-line dating. The main reason for doing this was the fact that a search in my local area revealed a large number of eligible women. The sign-up was necessary due to the fact that you can only view a certain number of profiles without logging in. This was quite annoying so I bit the bullet. Let me state front and centre I have resolved not to become a player. So here are some early things I’ve learned.
The initial profile was kept short. I’ve only used a couple of recent full body photos – all doing something (Clothed – important!!!). I decided to take a leaf out of RoK and goodlookingloser and put a hook into the profile. As an experiment it has been quite effective with quite a few women wanting to meet up (Am not going to reveal the lines, as am still using it). I’ve not been overtly sexual, mainly mysterious and different.
It may be due to my demographic, but I have not needed to go for lying or exaggeration. I took that policy decision early on and have been glad, as such is the volume of inbound enquiries the workload is reduced as don’t have the overhead of remembering the lie. In addition, the 2 dates I had this week I’ve had nothing to live up to (both want 2nd dates). Am currently getting a couple of new contacts / day at the moment – and am up to about 30! They normally come in between 6&11pm. Unbelievable as I’m nothing special.
Typically things have panned out as below:
- They drop a message saying Hi, or “like your profile or tell me more about…. ”
- I normally reply with a thanks and an vague answer. Within a few messages am starting to suggest meeting up – winebar or pub works for me. This sets the frame and qualifies whether they are “tyre kickers”
- Phase 3 when a meet up is acceptable to them gets phone # for text/whatsapp contact. Its then easy to to set the agenda.
- Get to first meeting within a few days. I always texted few hours before the meet, to confirm time and the fact they intend to turn up.
Since this topic will be reprised over the coming weeks & months, I wanted to share some initial things learned.
- Set yourself some guidelines for what you want. Does not have to be exhaustive. Mine are forming (see below)
- Images, most are pretty low quality. This does not stop most of the women getting huge numbers of inbound messages. I now get worried about some who only have a couple of head & shoulder shots (especially if they don’t say they are size 12 or whatever in their profile). Full body shots show they are happy with themselves or not. I also like the ones who put comments (with dates – though one had got photos going back to 1990 – WTF) along with the photos – this way you can see whether they are recent. I’m personally happy with curves, so I can accommodate a wide range. The face has to be attractive to me. The figure has to be hour-glass. Everyone to their own
- Most profiles are pretty jaded – almost every one of them has interests as travel, family, drink with girlfriends, gym and loads of pets. They often have boring lives and jobs (so do I probably). This means they’re looking for both love and excitement. I am therefore drawn to interesting things done in their profile or someone who has an interesting/unusual job (so no surprise that they will be drawn to interesting people)
- After first contact if they stop asking questions do not resurrect the conversation. If they’re interested they’ll come back – if not plenty of fish….
- I’ve found that cheeky or playful short messages get the best response. If you get flirting back they at least are interested, have a sense of humour or desperate enough to move forward. I also love dropping the occasional negs in. They’re very effective in helping build your playful persona.
- Get text/whatsapp # within 5-10 messages. This also allows more images to be exchanged if needed plus allows for more detailed/immediate conversation that feels safer than the chat app on the website. Often images are more risque than what would go for public consumption (I will never publish them on line)
- The other thing for me is location, location, location. I resolved to not travel more than 30 miles or so. That is about 30-40 minutes. I have a busy life and job, don’t want to spend my life on the motorways
Clearly all has not gone smoothly – let me share what has not gone right.
- Do not give too much info until the conversation gets going. Even then no life stories and no negative stuff. Had a good looker get away through that. Do not offer information until requested. So when asked what to you do or what are you looking for, be evasive or laconic, you need to have something to talk about if you get to meeting her
- Text flirting is good, but don’t get carried away – especially if it is early on. Text game is extraordinarily effective and have had to de-commit from what was on offer. It is perfectly possible to get a bang on date 2 or 3 here. I’m not yet alpha or cavalier enough to screw some one over. There seem to be quite a lot of women who have been played – as I said I do not want to look in the mirror and see that guy I have no respect for.
- There are cougars out there. If they mention the word sex in the first couple of messages beware
What the women all seem to say:
- They get vast numbers of messages. “Hi”, “U look nice”. Most guys are pumping the numbers out and the women are jaded by the crap they get. If you want a reply be interesting in the messages (even if a first reply)
- They get plenty of weird stuff, naked images, videos, so no, repeat no images without clothes. There will be time for that later if you get date 5,6,7 and more
- Most of the guys seem to be betas without a clue. Dull, no conversation, no interests. If you have passion, humour or an great hobby then something for you to talk about. Remember most peoples lives are mundane, they want a man to take them away from it all – even if just for a coffee.
So really, it does not take much to stand out from the crowd. Being a decent guy will get you as much booty as you want or need without being a player. Becoming alpha & getting good at game is a virtuous circle. As you get more interests you become more interesting. Let them discover